Is there a story or a situation holding you back from being yourself?
Today is all about private speaking and how owning our story, and especially our “one freaking question”, can set us free.
For a long time in my life, I had a question I dreaded people would ask me, because I didn’t want to answer. So I would do my best to avoid that question to be asked in the first place. And then when eventually it would come up, I would answer indirectly.
I shared in a video about this: my one freaking question (see below).
Not a big deal, you might think. BUT in the end, it was taking me a lot of energy. And I was not feeling free, it felt like hiding a part of myself.
The things we shut up, shut us down
Because we don’t want them to take up too much space, we ignore and try to hide them, but exactly by doing that, they end up taking all the space.
DISCLAIMER! Do we need to share everything about us?
I’m not saying that! I’ve got no problem with answering “It’s private” to some questions, and / or to people I am not intimate enough to trust and open my heart to.
But if there is something in particular that you’re spending too much energy to hide… Maybe it isn’t worth all this energy.
If you don’t want to think about something, what is the first thing you have to do?
If I tell you right now: “Don’t think about a cat playing volleyball on the beach”… what picture is showing up in your mind? “A cat playing volleyball on the beach”!
You have to picture it first, and then you can un-think it. That’s how our mind works.
It is exactly the same with what we want to hide. We end up thinking waaaay to much about it.
It is like wearing these T-shirts with slogans:”I’m not perfect, but I’m unique!”. Except we wear it backwards, so we can’t see it, but everyone else can. And maybe they can’t read the slogan, but they can feel something is going on.
The thing we shut up about, we let them define who you are.
One big downside of wearing the “happy face” mask, is of course then we can’t be authentic. And it’s very hard to connect on a deep level with people when you’re not being authentic.
So how do we quit the mask?
Now comes the magic!
The day we relax and become OK to answer to what was our one freaking question, we find out… It doesn’t get asked so much.
Owning our story is much more about an internal process than a sort of coming out to the world.
It starts with our-self.
It starts with making peace with a part of our-self that might be more difficult to love.
It starts with understanding that everyone has or has had their own, and that many people would actually recognise themselves in our struggle.
We are never alone going through what we got through.
Owning our story means loving the whole of who we are, and who we were… No matter what we think the rest of the world might think about it. Because, it is just a thought; we have no way of knowing what they think, until we ask.
And even then, what they think says much more about them, than about us; so it is not really worth paying too much attention to it.
Owning our story means being free to be, independently of our situation, past or present.
The day you are not defined by your situation, the day you are not owned by your story anymore… The day you speak up, even just with yourself… You are finally free to be who you are.
Am I saying EVERYONE has their own “one freaking question”?
No. Maybe you are at one point in your life when everything is great and you are totally 100% happy with who you are and what you are doing; and if it is the case, good for you.
But then I wouldn’t be surprised that you had one and made friends with it.
Do you or did you have a story that holds you back?
Now is a great time to set it free… And yourself with it.
That is one of the first private speaking skills
I will explore more aspects of private speaking in the next podcasts, I believe it should be taught at school.
Because magic happens when we learn to communicate differently, starting with ourselves.
By magic I mean: real life changes that we didn’t think were possible.
Resources cited in the conversation
“The one freaking question” Video
With the spontaneous and somewhat scary ending 😉
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