My life stopped being politically correct when my father suicided. I was eight years old. I noticed very quickly that it was making people very uncomfortable if I answered honestly to the question: “How did he die?”. So I suppressed my story! I changed my answer to something that would be more comfortable for them.
People were judging me from my story
And when I was transparent, everything I would do, then would be judged through the lens of this moment of my life: No children? Pretty normal, for someone whose family is broken. Nomadic? For sure, I needed to get away from my family. Having a difficult moment? Who wouldn’t, when you had such a difficult event in your early life. Etc. People were judging me, not from who I was or did, but from my life story, and putting me in a box I didn’t fit into.
Of course it led me to think it was not OK to be me. I felt like they would reject me if they knew who I was (imposter syndrome anyone?), and that something was wrong with me.
I was a rebel
It brought up a lot of anger in my life. I was a rebel, and while I was realizing my dreams, like living and traveling on a sailing-boat, I felt lost, like I didn’t know what I wanted.
On the outside I was strong, and doing what I wanted. On the inside I felt empty. I was relying on external things and doings to feel alive.
From “strong” to resilient – Falling in love with myself
At the same time, all of this set me on a lifelong experiment on what is life and how “it” shows up in everyone of us human beings. And experiencing life, I went from “strong”, to resilient.
I understood that the problem wasn’t with me. I saw that these people were rejecting me in their action and words, but their (mostly unconscious) intention was to hide from themselves, to escape a reality they didn’t want to face.
Beyond my story, becoming an agent of change
I became a shiatsu and somatic movement practitioner and started to realize the depth of the problem. I heard so many stories of anxiety, trauma, depression, abuse… quietly being ignored by society. It was shocking: I was seeing that it was everywhere, spread out (and statistics confirm that), yet why didn’t I hear about this? It was nowhere to be seen or heard.
I went on, experimenting in my life, and studying and training deeper. And realized more and more that there is a huge problem in the way modern society deals, or should I say, doesn’t want to deal, with pain, and with difference.
I owned my story more and more, and instead of anger felt more be at peace with not fitting in the box. And the more I was OK with my pain, the less I suffered from it. As I was coming back to myself, and being proud of who I was, I could see more and more clearly the suffering in people, gaining compassion, and… seeing them change, as me embodying my truth allowed them to be themselves.
Feeling alive again; integrally alive!
Now I am helping others to grow resilience, embody who they are, and feel alive again, integrally: in every dimension of their being, showing up in every aspect of their life.
Check my offers; currently I am offering complementary Resilience conversations, for a limited time: during the creation of my online program.